Inner critic

I follow story coach and writer Jennifer Louden. She’s one of those people who always comes across as enthusiastic and energetic. She’s so positive, you know?

One of her emails this month said she had decided, after four years of effort, to scrap her current memoir.

Four years.

One hundred and twenty thousand words.

She confessed that it was not salvageable.

And I hurt for her. I know how that feels.

Today she had a soundcloud link to her talk about hiding. If I was her, after making that announcement, I’d be hiding. I probably wouldn’t have got out of bed, but here she is still working, still talking, still being positive and still trying to help others.

She asked listeners to write down their responses to their inner critic. She calls it the itty bitty shitty committee. The voice in your head that tells you you’re going to fail. You know the one.

Write down what you should say about yourself in response. So I write: I’m smart, I have three degrees, I’ve done amazing things, I’ve turned unplanned jobs into successes, I made more money for ANZA charity in Jakarta than anyone ever had before, I made speeches, I met ambassadors and world leaders. I’m the #8 reviewer on Goodreads. I have written and posted 78 stories on fanfiction. I have published seven short works that have been downloaded a few times. *runs off to look up stats on Smashwords – 9,130 times. [cool!]*

I write stories that people tell me they like. I have… *runs off to look up ffn stats*

Wait…

WHAT?

I have a total of 12,001,668 hits on ffn.

*jaw drops*

Twelve million?

I should be proud of myself. I AM proud of myself. So why does my inner voice tell me I can’t do this? I already am.

Dammit brain.

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